


Claim back the boy you left behind

by Gansbee



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Ed is trans thats like the Point of this fic, Gen, I wrote this as a personal fuck you to a select few absolutely horrible trans ed fics, Trans Edward Elric, Trans Male Character, background darius/ heinkel and edling, op is transmasc and gay, rated T bc ed keeps swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25622266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gansbee/pseuds/Gansbee
Summary: “Hello.” Hohenheim deliberately avoided using a name— a small mercy Ed wasn’t happy to be thankful for. “You appear to have grown some.” An understatement. The boy standing in front of him was entirely unlike the child Hohenheim remembered. He was all hard lines and angles, almost a spitting image of Hohenheim at his age. His eyes were aflame with anger, golden as the hair on his head.An exploration of Ed and Hohenhiem's relationship under the lens of Ed being trans
Comments: 15
Kudos: 156





	Claim back the boy you left behind

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! Thank you for your interest in this fic, I haven't written for quite a bit but this idea deserved it SO!! I forced myself out of sheer spite <3 I took lines from episodes 20 and 47 because UHHH i'm a hoe for canon compliance so if something sounds familiar it probably is
> 
> Also S/o to wltcherlambert for being my beta, ily mar :')

“Hello.” Hohenheim deliberately avoided using a name— a small mercy Ed wasn’t happy to be thankful for. “You appear to have grown some.” An understatement. The boy standing in front of him was entirely unlike the child Hohenheim remembered. He was all hard lines and angles, almost a spitting image of Hohenheim at his age. His eyes were aflame with anger, golden as the hair on his head. 

Ed, overcome with discomfort at his stare, scoffed and looked away. 

“I spoke with Pinako. You tried human transmutation.” With absolutely no fanfare, Hohenheim cut bluntly to the point. 

Ed stared at his father, shocked— and then just as quickly glanced aside again. “What makes you think you can show up like this? There’s nothing left for you here anymore!” Although he was deliberately looking away, his voice seemed to be a challenge. He was posturing, from his tense shoulders and clenched fists to the empty threat he conveyed. But it was true that there was nothing left for Hohenheim. Trisha was gone, the child he thought he knew was gone. His home was burnt to ash. 

“I noticed. Tell me, what possessed you to burn down my home?” Hohenheim continued, tone as casual as if he were discussing the morning paper. 

He still refused to look at Hohenheim. “After what happened, we vowed to never turn back. We did it as a symbol of our resolve.” He didn’t know  _ why  _ he was telling him, all he knew was that he couldn’t stop. Luckily he was able to staunch the flow of the dripping faucet of his thoughts before something better left unsaid slipped out. 

Ed barely finished the sentence before Hohenheim cut him off, “No you didn’t. You were hiding the memory.” Edward’s eyes widened as he looked at him with fear, the molten gold of his eyes turned pyrite. “You didn’t want to be reminded of what you’ve done, and thought you could erase the memory by destroying the evidence.” Hohenheim was a pillar of concrete, becoming more imposing by the second. 

“You’re wrong!” Edward shouted weakly, taking any possible opportunity to fight back. 

“It’s just like a child who hides the sheets after they’ve wet the bed. You ran away, and you know it.” Thankfully, his tone hadn’t changed at all. If he’d looked even the slightest bit smug, Ed didn’t know what he would’ve done with himself. 

“... You don’t know a damn thing!” Edward turned on his heel to walk away, visit to Trisha be damned. He had a sour taste in his mouth now. “You make me sick to my stomach.” 

“... they’re exactly like I was when I was their age.” Hohenheim muses aloud, unsure of how to feel about his eldest becoming his spitting image. 

———

As soon as they’d gotten home, Ed slammed the door to his bedroom. He felt sick, now, something raw and aching underneath his skin. Hours later, Pinako came by to see if he wanted to eat, but Ed just rolled over in bed so he didn’t have to look at her. It wasn’t her fault Hohenheim acted the way he did, and both of them knew it. Ed just needed someone to take the fall. 

“I think he’s asleep now. Or at the very least is good at pretending.” Pinako said, sitting down across from Hohenheim at the table. She didn’t mind if Ed could hear them or not. The boy was too stubborn for his own good and if he wanted to know something, he would find out. The mug in Hohenheim’s hands, filled with fresh tea, was dwarfed by his stature. Nothing about his face would indicate discomfort, but Pinako knew better— he hadn’t relaxed since they came home for supper. 

Hohenheim shifted in his seat. “About my children—“

“ _ Sons _ .” Pinako cut him off. “Sons. You have two boys. Funny what you miss when you’re away, hm?” She continued dryly, eyeing Van with disinterest. “His name is Edward. Not like he would’ve told you or that you would’ve bothered to ask.” She kneaded her brow with her free hand. “Stubborn as bulls, you two. And twice as impulsive. As soon as you knew what they had done, you had to find him. Before I could even bother to tell you your son’s name.”

For a moment, Hohenheim was silent. Thankfully, Pinako knew his silence was him processing the information, not judging Ed. For the umpteenth time, she was glad it was her and not Edward. She knew how much he would loathe to have this conversation, folding in on himself, quietly writhing in his skin. She would shoulder any burden for him that she could— so long as he didn’t have to know. Edward Elric was not a boy to be pitied. 

“Edward…” Hohenheim began, trying the name on his tongue. Something oddly fond was in his eye as he stared down at his mug. “Fitting for a spitfire like him.” He wasn’t exactly… smiling, but Pinako was surprised to see him let his guard down. When she looked up from her mug, though, whatever shone in his eyes was gone. 

“Right. As I was saying about my sons—“

———

After one of the worst days in Ed’s life to date, he slept in. 

Well. Pretended to sleep in. He didn’t want to see the bastard leave— especially not after he’d explained that what they’d resurrected wasn’t even  _ human _ . 

So, yeah. Suffice it to say that he didn’t feel bad about waiting until he was gone to get up. When he saw Granny in the kitchen, though, there was an elephant in the room. 

“Granny.” She looked up from the stove, one hand on her hip. “You told him?” 

Someone knowing about him felt like adding a single bullet to an empty gun— it wouldn’t fire now, but it was only a matter of time. It was even worse that Hohenheim knew and Trisha never would. It was almost a parody of her affection, the look in his eyes, when he stared at Edward. 

He wouldn’t fucking stand for it. 

She looked away, sighing through her nose. “Edward. You know I only did it so you wouldn’t have to. Can you honestly tell me that you would want to have that conversation with anyone, let alone  _ him _ ?” She shook her head, stirring the stew on the stovetop. Of course, she knew she was right about their stubbornness, but having it proven to her once again wasn’t exactly something to celebrate. 

Ed deflated, wanting to be angrier at her than he actually was. He wouldn’t tell her she was right, but he knew that she understood when he passively sat down at the table and started braiding his hair for the day. 

That didn’t mean that he ever wanted to see Hohenheim again, though. 

———

Months had passed since father had seen son. Which suited both of them just fine. Neither of them expected to meet again so soon— and especially not in a town so off the grid. 

As soon as Ed realized the man in front of him was, in fact, Hohenheim, he gave him a right hook that would rival one of Al’s. He only felt a  _ little  _ bad about it when he saw his face, but damn if it wasn’t satisfying. 

Unfortunately, as the night continued, Ed realized he wouldn’t be free of Hohenheim for some time. They had a common goal, similar places they wanted to go, and allies in common. So they would have to adapt to being around one another. 

Something Ed noticed with a twinge of…  _ something _ , was that Hohenheim never slipped up with his name. Not once. He was more respectful and considerate than most people Ed had grown up with, and he wasn’t condescending either. 

It was, unfortunately, a very pleasant surprise. The gun hadn’t fired at all. 

As Ed and Greed’s team left to set up camp, he felt a twinge when he remembered what Granny told him. 

“Granny asked me… to give you mom’s final words.” He began quietly. He’d turned back over his shoulder, but refused to look back. “Sorry I couldn’t keep my promise. But i’m dying first.” Ed had tried to ponder the meaning behind those words for days now, and he couldn’t come up with anything that made any sense to him. He knew their relationship wasn’t something he would ever fully comprehend, but damn if he wouldn’t try. 

After a small pause, Ed was all out of patience. He snapped, “So there! I told you—“ turning completely only to see tears streaming down Hohenheim’s face. 

And the world seemed to slow down. 

Not only was he expressing more emotion than Ed had ever seen from him— who knew he had emotions?— he felt the weight of his mother’s words in full force. Hohenheim wanted the same thing he did, to have his body and soul back to normal. To live a quiet life with his lover. 

Ed forced it down and walked away. 

———

Ed couldn’t fucking sleep. Which was just about par for the course. Heinkel snored something fierce, but Darius slept like a log next to him. Probably something that came with being in a relationship for that long. Greed didn’t have to sleep, and Ed was pained to see Ling’s face contorted in such a way, left sleepless and harsh. 

Something in him wanted to force greed out. To sit with Ling, nurse him back to health, let him get the sleep and care he deserved. 

But that was just wishful thinking. 

After rolling over for the penultimate time and feeling his bad knee crack, he was done trying. “Fuck,” he sighed under his breath, letting himself stand slowly. “Might as well just stretch this out.” 

Wandering in the woods, of course, led him straight to Hohenheim. The fire was low at that point, reflecting in his glasses and bringing out the hollows of his face. Ed was struck by how old he truly was seeing him in such a way— and recalled his tears from hours prior. 

Hating himself more with every step, Ed sat down on the log across from his father. This man didn’t need his goddamn sympathy, and yet there he was, feeling something heavy in his chest. 

And for a moment, it was silent. Hohenheim hadn’t moved at all since Ed had sat down, but he knew he was aware of his presence. Ed didn’t want to be the one to speak first, but knew Hohenheim wouldn’t say anything. At least not in the state he was. 

“So. Mom.” Ed left the sentence in the air, not quite trusting himself to finish his thought. And yet, he did anyway. “I never got to tell her. Something tells me she always knew, though.” He let out a small, sad laugh. “From day one she let me be who I was, let me experiment.” His throat caught on the next words, and he balled his hands in his lap. “... I wonder what she’d think of me if she could see me now. If she’d be proud of her son.” He’d leaned back, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. 

Hohenheim is frozen in place. He wanted to reach out, to comfort him, but the action never comes. There’s so much of Trisha in his smile and so much of him in his eyes, and if he stares too long he might become rooted to the ground and stay there. He aches for his wife, for everything he never got to tell her. For everything she never said to him. 

And then Ed closed his eyes and sighed, whatever magic that remained now gone. “I knew this was a mistake. It’s not like you fucking care anyway.” Ignoring the pain in his right knee, he stood to leave. 

“Wait.” Hohenheim interrupted weakly. “I’m proud of you.” It wasn’t even a question. 

  
Ed flashed back to when they were speaking earlier, when Hohenheim said _‘_ _ I’m proud my son feels that way _ _’_. His  _ son _ . He was proud of him for being who he was. Never disgusted, never afraid. A sick sense of relief and safety washed over Ed as he sat back down. Something in him understood a part of Hohenheim, even if only for a moment. And, in the glow of the fading firelight, they were nothing more than a father and his son.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this please let me know! I'm hoping to add more to trans ed content because we deserve BETTER than what's currently here >:/


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